Christmas cards are hard. So many decisions. First, are they Christmas cards or holiday cards? Do you buy cards that appeal to you, or cards that you think will appeal to the people you will send them to, and if so, which people? The relatives? The friends? If your answer is business associates and people at work, stop reading right now. You’re in the wrong blog.

If you want to send a photo card, the problems only get bigger. What to wear, where to stand, who to include?

Then there’s the letter. Most of the people who will read it have only a vague idea of who you are and what you do. You haven’t actually seen them in years. If you’re going to explain who the people and events really are, it’s going to be a very long, and not very interesting letter. You know the names of your children, in-laws, grandchildren and pets, but no one else does. I tried to solve that once by including an index so people understood that the one who had knee surgery was the dog and not me.

And you try to be clever. Clever is hard. One year, about thirty years ago I think, I achieved clever. Every year since then, people have said they look forward to the Christmas card. That’s a lot of pressure. And a lot of disappointment.

I feel that. Not enough that I spend any real time on the card and letter. I just hope something comes to me. And if it doesn’t, maybe we skip that year.

The last time I had an actual Christmas card idea was 2009. We were in Scottsdale and wandered into a shop filled with knickknacks and gadgets. It was also a stationery store. There was a display of sample invitations, printed and embossed for a party at some fictional house. A sales clerk came by and asked if I had any questions. So, I asked why anyone would buy invitations to a party at someone else’s house on a date that is already past. She patiently explained that it was a sample, to show the design and the quality of the work they do. I did my best to look perplexed.

But when we came home I bought a stock photo of a generic family and made up a story about them. Sent it off to be printed, signed by the fictional Tisdale family. The only real sign that it was from us was the return address. Some people thought it was funny, so that was good. Other people couldn’t figure it out at all, and I thought that was funny, so that was good too.

It was something like this: 

Hi Everyone,

          This picture was taken last year before the trial, when Adam was still vice president of accounting. He’s doing as well as can be expected. We’ll be celebrating on the Tuesday before Christmas – or as we know it, visitors’ day. We won’t have gifts; he’s not allowed to have anything in his “room” and what he can get by bartering with cigarettes we wouldn’t want to have. But at least we’ll be together, even if it’s on opposite sides of the glass.

Chip, our youngest, is a criminal justice major at URI and has had a hard time adjusting. His sister Amber just finished her MBA and the two have talked quite a bit, so Chip seems to be catching on to how things work in the real world.

Between driving out to visit Adam and making restitution payments, Suzanne is keeping busy.

It hasn’t been easy; the neighbors have become standoffish since the fire. We try to explain that we’re sure our car was the only target and they don’t need to be afraid, but it’s probably natural for them to worry. It’s not what they’re used to.

 We can’t help but look forward to this time next year when we’re really together again. We have been thinking that once the electronic bracelet comes off we might move to a warmer climate, maybe even change our names and start over.

 So, next year, if you get a holiday card from somewhere like San Diego signed “Cheryl” and “Lee,” and it talks about how they adore their granddaughters, just know that it’s really from us and that we’re healthy, happy together and still living the good life—even if we’ve had to trade the Gulfstream for an Airstream.

Happy 2010

Adam (HK518503), Suzanne, Amber and Chip

Every year since then, I’ve tried to be interesting and mildly amusing. I’ve failed. So this year, I went back to the well.

Hi Everyone,

This has been a very good year for the Tisdales. The best we have had since the difficulty that abruptly shut down Adam’s company. Always one to see opportunities where others see obstacles, he used his time away to make contacts and refine his entrepreneurial plans.

What’s more, many of the people Adam met while he was on his federally enforced vacation contacted him with exciting business propositions and he’s helped them leverage their ideas into several powerful enterprises. After getting them established, Adam provided insurance so their dreams came true, undisturbed.

Suzanne is re-establishing herself as a fundraiser, with or without a cause, and we all hope she is successful beyond our wildest dreams. We took great delight last summer when the governor appointed her to the state ethics commission. She’s become quite upstanding.

Amber, our oldest, and her husband Nathan are raising our grandchildren and assuring that the legacy we are building will be secure. Her no-nonsense approach has proven to be a great asset in the Family business.

And then Chip. We hear that he’s been named a deputy district attorney back east. Apparently sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree.

Now we’re looking forward to those golden years we have promised ourselves. We’ll be here in San Diego if you have a chance to drop by. Just please call first. Unexpected visitors at the gate make us a little nervous, as you might imagine.

Happy 2016

Adam, Suzanne, Amber, Nathan, Amelia and Mason

Some people thought it was funny, so that was good. Other people couldn’t figure it out at all, and I thought that was funny, so that was good too. Some people looked at it and thought, oh, this again. And that was not good. This year’s card was not as good. I know it. You know it.

Next year I may have to fall back to boring old reality. Because Christmas cards are hard. Sequels are really hard.