words

Polite Talk

~ Lee Swanson ~ 3 Comments

I have a problem with euphemisms.

Settle down. This is not a rail against political correctness. They should be called postal carriers and police officers. That’s just fine.

My problem is with sanitizing and gentrifying the language.

People die. It might be hard to take, but people don’t pass away. They die. We die. It’s supposed to be hard to take.

I cringe when I hear people say September 11th. Remember September 11th. No, remember that the United States was attacked. September 11th sounds like a date that is about to become a 40 percent off sale at Macy’s. President’s Day, Valentine’s Day, September 11th. How long before someone wishes you “Happy September 11.” Call it what it is. The country was attacked.

And now, this week, everywhere you turn, you hear another one. We are “putting boots on the ground” to fight ISIS, ISIL, Islamic State. Every military correspondent/advisor/pundit is talking about putting boots on the ground. Sounds like something John Wayne would do. “We’re putting boots on the ground, pardner.”

That glosses over the fact there are feet in those boots. 18, 20, 22 year old feet. 50 people, not boots. No one is reporting there are 100 boots being sent to Syria.

Now, I have no problem with putting boots on the ground. Litter that whole damn country with boots, if that will help. Fine. I have a big problem with going to war. And that’s what we’re doing. Sending kids to war. Again.

And that’s wrong. Again.

Remember those kids the next time you hear someone say we’re putting boots on the ground.

Colorful Words

~ Lee Swanson ~ 5 Comments

Driving home from pre-school with my three-year old – I’M ALMOST FOUR – almost four-year old granddaughter, we engaged in an extensive discussion of colors and fruit.

ME:   What’s your favorite color?

SHE:  I like all colors. Blue, green, red, yellow,

ME:   Orange?

SHE:  Orange

ME:   What color are oranges?

SHE:  ORANGE

ME:   What color are bananas?

SHE:  Yellow

ME:   Why are they called bananas; shouldn’t they be called yellows?

SHE:  Because they are bananas

ME:   But if oranges are orange wouldn’t yellow be a good name for bananas?

SHE:  Yellow is a color

ME:   What color are blueberries

SHE:  Blue

ME:   My point exactly. Why aren’t there redberries?

SHE:  Because they are strawberries

ME:   I was thinking raspberry, but I’ll give you that

SHE:  Did you bring me a snack?

ME:   Oh look, an airplane

Why are things called what they are called? And don’t get all etymological on me. I know it generally has something to with either a guy known as The Greek or a guy known as The Latin; as in, “it’s from The Latin for victory.”

(That in itself makes no sense. The Latin mispronounced vici as “wiki” as in wiki-pedia, from The Greek, and neither has anything to do with inaccurate information passed off as fact).

But if we did call bananas “yellows” we would have banana available to call something else – like the Name Game. Banana bo bana.. fe, fi, mo mana,…

I’ll admit to a somewhat obsessive interest in words and the peculiar way we use them.

I recently made some comment about a new drug my doctor is likely to have me try, and posited that it is called Ibrutinib because all the good drug names are taken.

Well, turns out there is some rhyme or reason for how drugs are named and most of it has to do with The Latin but it’s also true that there have never been good names for drugs.

We’re accustomed to it now, but imagine what it must have been like the very first time a doctor told a patient “we’re going to give you an aspirin.”

“A WHAT?”

Pretend you have never heard the word before; what would you be thinking? Say it out loud.

“I’ve got a headache. How is giving me something purrin’ in my ass going to help.”

And that is how the “second opinion” came to be.

Calling it “aspirin” may not have had anything to do with the development of Bufferin, but it certainly figured into naming it.

Words are interesting things. We don’t think about them often enough. My granddaughter seems to have it figured out. She’s a three almost four year-old and isn’t encumbered by these issues the way I am.

I’m old. So old I don’t buy green yellows, ah, bananas.

Hmmm.  Maybe she’s on to something.