language

Polite Talk

~ Lee Swanson ~ 3 Comments

I have a problem with euphemisms.

Settle down. This is not a rail against political correctness. They should be called postal carriers and police officers. That’s just fine.

My problem is with sanitizing and gentrifying the language.

People die. It might be hard to take, but people don’t pass away. They die. We die. It’s supposed to be hard to take.

I cringe when I hear people say September 11th. Remember September 11th. No, remember that the United States was attacked. September 11th sounds like a date that is about to become a 40 percent off sale at Macy’s. President’s Day, Valentine’s Day, September 11th. How long before someone wishes you “Happy September 11.” Call it what it is. The country was attacked.

And now, this week, everywhere you turn, you hear another one. We are “putting boots on the ground” to fight ISIS, ISIL, Islamic State. Every military correspondent/advisor/pundit is talking about putting boots on the ground. Sounds like something John Wayne would do. “We’re putting boots on the ground, pardner.”

That glosses over the fact there are feet in those boots. 18, 20, 22 year old feet. 50 people, not boots. No one is reporting there are 100 boots being sent to Syria.

Now, I have no problem with putting boots on the ground. Litter that whole damn country with boots, if that will help. Fine. I have a big problem with going to war. And that’s what we’re doing. Sending kids to war. Again.

And that’s wrong. Again.

Remember those kids the next time you hear someone say we’re putting boots on the ground.

Dining

~ Lee Swanson ~ 3 Comments

Something’s happened at the restaurant.  I keep seeing people look through the menu, then turn to their server and say “I’ll do the black linguine.”

Do the black linguine?  Really?  Not order, not eat?  Do?  Given the connotations of the word, watching someone at your table do the black linguine risks your appetite, not to mention the restaurant’s reputation and liquor license.

Where did that come from?  What happened to “I’ll have the black linguine,” or just “the black linguine please.”  But do?  Generally speaking, the meal should be done by the time it gets to the table, shouldn’t it?

That’s just the most recent of the many annoying things people say at restaurants.  Why do servers come by and look at your nearly empty plate and ask “are you still working on that?”

“Actually, no, I’m not working on it at all.  I’m eating it.”

I worry that the question may become “are you still doing that?”

And who thought it would be a good idea for the server to introduce himself to the patrons. “Hello, I’m Donald. I’ll be your server.”

“Hi Donald, I’m Lee.  Want to have a seat?  Let’s get to know each other. Can I read your screenplay?”

What am I supposed to do with that information?  Can I stand up and call to him across the room?  “Donald, oh Donald, be a dear and bring more scotch over here.”

But the one that aggravates me most is when they come to clear your table and decide they have to do play-by-play on your eating habits.  “Wow, you really cleaned that up.” Or “you didn’t leave anything on that plate did you?”

Is there something wrong with eating all the food I’m paying for?  “Were you planning to serve the leftovers to someone else?  Just take the plate and go away……Donald.”