I’m not going to say that I don’t believe in astrology, but… Wait, I am going to say I don’t believe in astrology. I mean, really, who does?  Anyway, I happened across the column in the newspaper on my way to do the sudoku and my horoscope today (according to someone named “celebrated astrologer Jacqueline Bigar”) is:

“You can nearly work with anything no matter what the situation might be.”

In other words, regardless of what happens, I can sort of deal with it. Kind of. A little. Maybe.

As should be obvious to you by now, I’m a Scorpio. I guess. On the rare occasion the subject comes up, I usually contend I’m a Cancer, but Cheryl points out I have cancer. I am a Scorpio. That’s the difference. In China, I’m a rabbit. With cancer.

I decided I wanted to know more about “celebrated astrologer Jacqueline Bigar” and why she either can’t construct a simple declarative sentence, or has no idea if Scorpios can handle life. So I typed her name into the little box on my Firefox browser, and Mr. Google sent me to her website. First, it promises to answer my question, if I send her twenty dollars. That’s about fifty dollars more than I care..

Then, there’s a tab that will give me a glimpse of 2016. Since we’re four months into the year, that shouldn’t be too hard.

Now here’s a curious thing. Among the other search entries were links to her column in various newspapers around the country where her wisdom is syndicated. In the Philadelphia Inquirer today, under the heading “Horoscopes by Jacqueline Bigar” the Scorpio horoscope for May 1 is: “Delegation is an art, and the way to get good at it is to practice.”

Apparently the stars are different on the East Coast than on the West Coast. And, of course they are. We have movie stars and TV stars. And if you follow their ascension, I’m sure it would tell you something.

On the whole, I would rather take the advice from the fortune cookie in “The Big Chill.” “You will never amount to anything.” At least that’s definitive.

And so far, pretty much spot on.