I had a thought the other day when I was in the drug store buying light bulbs – and yes I realize the light bulb/idea thing is a cliché, but in this case it happens to be true.

Rest assured this is not one of those idiotic screeds about how the government is taking away our God-given right to buy incandescent light bulbs, though I do believe the possession of light bulbs should be guaranteed by the Second Amendment – a well-lighted household being more necessary to the security of a free state than a well-regulated militia.  If only there had been light bulbs in the late 1700’s (or well-regulated militias in the 2010’s, for that matter) the country would be a much safer place. But we’re not going there tonight.

First, why do drug stores sell light bulbs?  What happened to drugs stores selling, well, drugs?  A guy in a white coat buttoned like a Nehru jacket (look it up) standing in the back dispensing who knows what.  This was when pharmacists did more than count to thirty and put cotton in a bottle; when they actually had to know how to type on those little labels.

The rest of the store was devoted to aspirin, band-aids and birthday cards.  Maybe, if you were a lucky kid, the drug store also had a soda fountain where they made things like ice cream floats and chocolate root beer.

“Peabody here.  Yes, I said chocolate root beer. Come along Sherman, into theWABAC machine to get you a chocolate root beer. If you haven’t tried it, you haven’t lived.” 

Now, along with deodorant and hair dye, drug stores sell wine, beer, picnic baskets, toilet paper, pencils, ribbons, toys and light bulbs.

So I buy the light bulb at the drug store because there’s no hardware store nearby and before I can ask him not to, the cashier puts the single light bulb in a plastic bag and then reels off an eighteen foot long receipt with an offer to have a chance to win two dollars if I complete an online survey that primarily wants to query me about my name, age and e-mail address.  So much for privacy.  So much for the environmental advantages of the power-saving light bulb.

At home, I open the package to find that inside the carton is printed a coupon for a dollar off on my next light bulb purchase. This amazing energy efficient light bulb purports to have a lifespan longer than mine so the odds of being able to cash in this tremendous money saving offer are dim, so to speak.  The odds of finding this coupon again if I ever actually do buy another light bulb are even worse.

It might be better to just sit in the dark.