If only we had listened to The Band, none of this Herman Cain pizza-candidate-for-president would have happened.

http://youtu.be/-VShpcqd3zE

As Robbie Robertson would have us think this was the story:

Virgil Caine is the name, and I served on the Danville train, ‘Til Stoneman’s cavalry came and tore up the tracks again. In the winter of ’65, We were hungry, just barely alive. By May the tenth, Richmond had fell, it’s a time I remember, oh so well, The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, and the bells were ringing, The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, and the people were singin’.  They went La,  La, La, La, La, La,     La, La, La, La, La, La,    La, La,

Back with my wife in Tennessee, When one day she called to me,  “Virgil, quick, come see, there goes Robert E. Lee!” Now I don’t mind choppin’ wood, and I don’t care if the money’s no good. Ya take what ya need and ya leave the rest, But they should never have taken the very best.  Like my father before me, I will work the land,  Like my brother above me, who took a rebel stand. He was just eighteen, proud and brave, But a Yankee laid him in his grave, I swear by the mud below my feet, You can’t raise a Caine back up when he’s in defeat.

But here’s what we know today:  Sing along

Herman Cain is the name, and I rode on the campaign train ‘Til Ginger White came along, and tore up the tracks again. In the fall of eleven, we were debatin’ and stayin’ even. I went on CNN.  It’s a time I remember, oh so well.

The night they drove old Herman down, and all gals were lyin’ The night they drove old Herman down, and the people were singin’. They went Nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine.

Back with my wife in Sandy Springs, and one day she called to me, “Herman, quick, come see, there’s another one on TV!” Now I don’t know about Uzbeka-beka-stan, and I don’t care about the also-rans. Ya take what you know and ya praise the lord, But they never should have taken Ginger’s word.

The night they drove old Herman down, and all gals were lyin’.  The night they drove old Herman down, and the people were singin’. They went Nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine .

Like my father before me, I will work real hard, And like my mentors above me, I’ll have a radio show.  We were on our way to the top, dodgin’ Libya and harassment claims I swear by the mud below my feet, You can’t raise a Cain back up when he’s in defeat.

And that’s tonight’s lesson for Mitt and Newt and Ron and Rick and Michele and the other Rick and Jon and Andy and Fred and Jimmy and Tom and Buddy and Matt and Vern.

Sleep well America.  Another idiot has fallen by the wayside.  Only 13 more to go.