Something’s happened at the restaurant.  I keep seeing people look through the menu, then turn to their server and say “I’ll do the black linguine.”

Do the black linguine?  Really?  Not order, not eat?  Do?  Given the connotations of the word, watching someone at your table do the black linguine risks your appetite, not to mention the restaurant’s reputation and liquor license.

Where did that come from?  What happened to “I’ll have the black linguine,” or just “the black linguine please.”  But do?  Generally speaking, the meal should be done by the time it gets to the table, shouldn’t it?

That’s just the most recent of the many annoying things people say at restaurants.  Why do servers come by and look at your nearly empty plate and ask “are you still working on that?”

“Actually, no, I’m not working on it at all.  I’m eating it.”

I worry that the question may become “are you still doing that?”

And who thought it would be a good idea for the server to introduce himself to the patrons. “Hello, I’m Donald. I’ll be your server.”

“Hi Donald, I’m Lee.  Want to have a seat?  Let’s get to know each other. Can I read your screenplay?”

What am I supposed to do with that information?  Can I stand up and call to him across the room?  “Donald, oh Donald, be a dear and bring more scotch over here.”

But the one that aggravates me most is when they come to clear your table and decide they have to do play-by-play on your eating habits.  “Wow, you really cleaned that up.” Or “you didn’t leave anything on that plate did you?”

Is there something wrong with eating all the food I’m paying for?  “Were you planning to serve the leftovers to someone else?  Just take the plate and go away……Donald.”