You can tell a lot with a bottle of wine.  Not as much as you can tell after a bottle of wine, but close.

Say, for instance, you’re invited to someone’s house for the evening.  It’s the expected and accepted practice to bring a bottle of wine.  The expected and accepted reaction is to raise one eyebrow, smile quietly and say “well, thank you very much.”  This generally means that even though you don’t know wine from wine vinegar you need to pretend to know.

Some people see it as a gift and put in on a shelf in the corner.  That’s the last it will be seen.  These people we’ll call Receivers.  Others see it as a contribution to the evening and open the bottle and pour it.  They are Sharers.

A Receiver can become a Sharer, but not in the same evening.  Not until the next time he has a party, when he brings out the wine you brought him last time and shares it.  A Sharer, on the other hand, cannot become a Receiver, unless inundated with wine from guests at the party.

I’m not about to pass judgment on which is the appropriate response.  The problem, if there is one, comes when a Sharer gives a bottle to a Receiver.  The Sharer spends the evening walking nonchalantly in and out of the kitchen looking for the wine bottle he carefully selected and wondering why it isn’t open yet.  If he’s particularly bold, he will move the bottle out of the corner and put it next to the box wine that is being served.

The Receiver, on the other hand, figures that if the Sharer wanted to taste the wine he would have left it at home and drunk it on his own time.  It was given to the Receiver to do as he pleases and it pleases him to open it when he can have more than five drops in the bottom of a glass after passing it around to everyone else in the room.  Or he’ll take it to make a good impression at someone else’s party.  The Receiver, after all, usually chooses wine by the color of the label.

By the way, that’s also the extent of what I know about wine. And that’s why I’m a Sharer when it comes to wine. I’ve seen people snort, swirl, squint, swish and spit wine trying to decide if it is worthy of walking around with while they mingle. Whether they approve or disapprove, it all tastes disturbingly like wine.

Now if you want to talk single malt scotch or brandy, we can have an intelligent conversation.  I know, brandy is just wine on steroids, but in the process it can turn into a nice grownup beverage.  And if you drop by with one of those bottles and expect to have a glass or two, well, you better bring a bottle for yourself.